Where does the "O" sit in your relationships?

 

 

 

 

People are given awareness of what they are doing, so they must be trained in the science of love. Love is a pleasurable act of hearing, sight, feeling, taste and charm. Moved by the heart, man derives the highest pleasure from love and strives after it. There are many ways to increase happiness.
-----------The Kama Sutra by Vatsyayana Mallanaga

 

From first solo experiences to shared pleasure as a couple - our path to orgasm lies in discovering all aspects of sex.

 

There are three types of enjoyment: sexual (derived from physical contact), erotic (evoked by sight, touch, taste) and affective (based on shared values and resulting from strong trusting relationships). Of course, when it comes to sex, sexual connection is paramount, but there are two other sources of pleasure that shouldn't be overlooked. They allow us to understand the depth of joy.

 

We should stop constantly thinking about orgasms and pay more attention to how our bodies feel at different moments in our daily lives. It's worth developing our sensuality and our sexuality with the simplest things we usually overlook: learning to relax deeply, to breathe, to take care of your body so that you get used to actually living in it.

 

Open up new dimensions of our nature, let our bodies take control, and not be afraid of our instincts and fantasies: only by venturing into something new about ourselves can we reach the pinnacle of sexual pleasure.

 

During adolescence, we gain a certain amount of sexual knowledge and experience, but in order for sex not to become a simple repetition, this experience must be expanded to define our preferences more accurately. This work lasts a lifetime. Work that requires curiosity and inner freedom can only be done by working together.

 

 

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Each of us is capable of enriching our sexual experience, but in practice, many couples use the same scenarios for years.

 

Repetition is convenient because orgasm is almost guaranteed...but over time, it can haunt you. Changing caresses, positions, rhythms, and sexual fantasies can be difficult. After falling into the trap of ease and simplicity, lovers start having sex automatically, and as a result derive less satisfaction from it.

 

The reason is not only that in everyday life, desire is erased, it is disappearing. There's also a hidden fear of succumbing to pleasure and losing oneself in the rolling tide of orgasm—it's called, in some languages, "little death," and not without reason.

 

Know yourself, surprise yourself - that might be the motto for those who aren't content with standard treats. How not to ban nor impose anything on a partner.

 

In play, improvisation helps express one's hidden desires and fantasies, focusing on physical sensations. Playing also means accepting the fact that sexual relationships have their ups and downs. It is necessary to accept and allow ourselves to express that part of our nature in sex that we are not usually aware of.

 

The example of a happy couple is not a boy and girl in love, but a spouse who has lived together for decades and maintained a sexually rich relationship.

 

Any couple can have this experience, as long as they don't recall myths (eg, that sex isn't needed in old age) or other people's perceptions of normative limitations. Everyone's acceptable range is different - from a marriage without genital contact to the most daring experiments. No one can judge how good and "right" your couple's sex life is - except you.

 

But before you negotiate new rules in your relationship, you should know exactly what happens to our bodies and minds during sex. Knowing the basics of sexual encounters and working them out in person makes it easier for us to negotiate with our partners and achieve mutual satisfaction.

 

French Gestalt therapist Brigitte Martel's book Sexuality describes in detail the basic principles and milestones of the sexual cycle. Love and Gestalt. "

 

But the concept was first proposed by French sexologist Charles Gelman back in 1983 and has been actively used in the fields of psychology and sexology ever since.

 

 

So it all starts with us

 

1. Sexual interest. This is the first stage of awakening sexual energy towards other people and the world around us.

 

 

2. Desire. During this stage, a person becomes aware of their desires for real or imagined objects. It combines attraction (the result of the action of hormones or external stimuli) and excitement from thoughts and fantasies. At this stage, people decide whether to stay in this stage, slow down or interrupt it. Or still keep going.

 

 

3. Excitement. At this time, the physiological symptoms become obvious, mainly vaginal moistening and provaginal inflammation relief, clitoris excitement and erection. The body is preparing for more intimate contact.

 

 

4. Plateau. This is a period when the level of awakening is strong enough to remain at the same level. Neuromuscular tone increases; the body is preparing for orgasm. If that doesn't happen, the easing of tensions may last long enough.

 

 

5. Orgasm. This experience includes both physical and spiritual parts. Physically, it manifests as a powerful release of energy, sometimes localized, sometimes systemic.

 

 

6. Resolution. This is a phase of physiological change during which organs return to their original size. A sense of bliss and widespread muscle relaxation or fatigue usually follows an orgasm. However, resolution may occur slowly after sexual activity, during periods of intense arousal, without orgasm. Many women respond to additional stimulation almost immediately after remission.

 

 

7. Refractory period. It occurs concurrently with or after the resolution phase. At this point, another cycle cannot start; the stimulus brings a negative response. Many women have a short refractory period, and they can start a new cycle very quickly.

 

 

8. Assimilation of experience or mental processing. During this resting phase, a person evaluates what happened and makes decisions for the future.

 

 

So here it is. At each stage there may be a stop, a lock. At each stage, the reasons for these stops are different and the process is different. Although the result is always the same. We are still not satisfied.

 

Overthinking about the imminent orgasm, thinking that sex is awkward and dirty, past phrases can lead to guilt and take root in our unconscious spaces, preventing us from going through all the stages of the sexual cycle and having fun.

 

Or something like this: There's a lot of excitement, the fun of the process is there, the plateau is here, and we suddenly start thinking, "Well, it looks like this climax is getting closer. Now, now..." At this moment, it's obvious We've terrified it with these thoughts. But in fact, it's not. This is called egoism. These thoughts stop the process when we fear losing control, dissolving, "losing face" before the peak.

 

Or another important option. Assuming the sex itself went well, everything has already happened. In the remaining stages, we sum up: well, nothing special. Everything is normal today. Feelings go away immediately, mood worsens, thoughts about case or partner being "not very special" or something.

 

This devaluation is at the psychological processing stage. If you notice it in time, you can regain feeling in no time. As it turns out, there's still plenty of joy, goosebumps, and gratitude and tenderness for a partner in the body. And you should not depreciate, but it is necessary to disassemble (possibly with a specialist) all stages and various stops, and practice to unlock.

 

 

Sex is a doubles game. And it often happens that one partner in a cycle runs it on his/her own idiosyncrasies. But the partner of the other party has other characteristics, which does not match the person at all. And the problem isn't global differences, it's simply knowing what you need and moving toward each other.

 

That said, having a good sense of yourself and your own characteristics during the cycle of sexual encounters helps to stay in sync with your partner and speak in plain language. Starting a conversation isn't so awkward and scary. After all, everyone knows talking about sex can really hurt a partner. If we love him/her and don't want to destroy what we have, we usually prefer to keep quiet and pretend. Or conversely, they don't love us anymore because of the accumulated anger and resentment and a sense that talking is useless. Worrying that he/she will laugh at or blame him/her on such a private topic.

 

But it is clear where silence and discontent can lead.

 

This cycle of sexual encounters deserves attention for those who want to figure out where exactly mundane interactions take place, how and how a person prevents himself from going any further.

 

The described stages of sexual encounters can even be a great tool for talking about shared sex. You can ask your partner which stage is important and how to pass. Where it is important not to rush, where special attention is needed, and so on. Overall, this program is a unique tool for dealing with one's sexuality.

 

It's important to remember that the criterion for sexual health is not only being able to go through the cycle from beginning to end, but also to interrupt or pause it during the initial stages.

 

A moment of sexual union with another is the best experience a human being can have. Intimacy with other people makes us forget, at least for a short time, that we are confined to a physical shell. The sense of oneness with our partner that gives us full joy is sometimes called "transcendental" in the original sense of the word.

 

In moments like these, we start to see reality differently. Our sensuality, erotic imagination, and emotion come together and experience approaches insight. Instead of being reduced to a mechanical reflex, pleasure becomes a unique experience that pushes us beyond our limits. The enjoyment embraces the whole being, and a wonderful sense of self-identity emerges.

 

 

Understanding each other's sexual values brings both partners together. For harmonious sex, understand each other and talk about what you like and don't like. And enjoy your sex.